hashtaggayrobots | [IC] Inbox for cyberformed

[he's happy to wait while she does what she needs to, of course. he's the one interrupting! no concerns here!

optimus just smiles in that placid way he always does when she answers-- she does look a lot better, which is good.]

I'm quite alright, thank you. [...kinda. his head still hurts a bit from being mind controlled squared then electrocuted, but it's nothing he can't deal with.] I have some exercises to keep up with, but that's hardly any bother! How are you feeling yourself?

[you know, he's starting to think it's less that he's not extremely socially gifted and more that he just keeps finding himself in Situations. how do you ask someone how they're doing after you almost killed them then had to strongly encourage them to the doctor about it??]

I'm good, really. [She transforms her feet to wheels and does an easy spin.] See? No problem.

[She's not making all of those Uncomfortable Noises either that indicate something is broken or out of place.]

I'm really a lot better now. So uh...thanks I guess. For going with me. And agreeing to go see Rung.

[It helped her, to see him agree to something he didn't want and convince her she was helping him. And maybe she shouldn't have been so uneasy about it...]

[he's clearly delighted when she does so-- even if hashtag worked out she could do it on her own, he knows it's also a little bit of elita, with how she'd been training the terran. don't we all need a little bit of elita?]

You know if there's ever anything like that in the future, you and Twitch can always ask Megatron or I to join you. We both know what it's like.

[at the mention of rung, he nods. he's booked an appointment in for the coming week and-- well, hasn't given it much thought beyond that.]

Of course, Hashtag. I know you want to help us just as we want to help you. It's a two way street for an equal relationship to work. [this is an important thing for all parties to remember, he thinks. he already knows that he had a tenancy to want to block it and shoulder everything, but he probably doesn't need to mention that to rung. it's probably normal.] Ah... I did also want to talk to you about what was happening at home as well, if you're amenable? I've gathered the impression that you and I have experienced much of the same now.

[he's optimistic, as he's wont to be. optimus is still hoping if she knows how to get the badges off then it means that's what happened, even if they had to endure the trauma of being attacked first.]

[Hashtag was still smiling but it was less broad, as she realized what Optimus was saying. Because he was right, and of course he would figure that out. He's Optimus Prime. He pays attention to things like that. Her head tilts a bit and she lets out an awkward, shy little laugh.]

Oh, uh...yeah. I guess you could say that.

[She looks around, briefly, not trying to avoid, but also to collect herself. Because this is a weird conversation to have like this, so she makes sure the door is shut and motions to the large chair she'd gotten. Made sure it was big enough for OP and Megatron specifically, since they've been visiting her. She felt bad they kept having to sit on the floor...]

What--um--What do you want to know about it?

[he sits very politely when he's gestured, always appreciative of the allowances the terrans make to account for the size difference.]

My memory before I was brought back here is of the train yard. [and he doesn't need to elaborate on that.] I... am sorry to have to ask this of you, but I wanted to know if yours was further along; and what happened, if so. You knew how to remove the badges, after all.

[it is very clear what he is hoping for, even if he's also trying not to show it.]

[Oh. So he doesn't know. He only remembers fighting them. Not...not what they did to him. Or what happens after. Because he doesn't know. He couldn't know. But can she really tell him all of that? She hasn't told anyone, except Soundwave. She's been trying so hard to find a way to stop it, so no one ever has to know, while acting like nothing has happened. Because nothing will happen. She's going to fix it.

If she tells other people, Twitch might find out. And Twitch can never know.

But maybe. Maybe Optimus could help her.]

I...Um. Yeah. A lot happened. But um--those things didn't happen at the same time. I remember what happened with--um--GHOST turning on us. Mandroid was there. He took down Shockwave and kidnapped Mo and Robby and Mom and Dad. And the badges taking over everyone else and making you fight us and we went over a waterfall and I guess Twitch and Nightshade broke out Bee and everyone else at GHOST headquarters. Thrash, JB and I caught back up to them at the railyard where, well...you know what happened there.

[he nods as she speaks-- mentally noting this down to try and form a timeline. mandroid... how regretful it is that his failure to do anything about GHOST led to the maltos suffering like this.]

I do not recall seeing you and your brothers, so that must've been some time later. [he remembers fighting bumblebee. he remembers trying to crush twitch, and he remembers doing the same when he'd come back here. it's very difficult to forget the sensations of attempting to deactivate those you'd sworn to protect. knowing that this is what megatron, elita, arcee, wheeljack and grimlock were put through too...] Was it there you were taken away from by the space bridge?

No... [Hashtag looks away again, eyes looking around the room and her fingers fidgeting against each other. It shouldn't be this hard. Back home she'd been so ready to talk...only to not get the chance. And then she never got the chance. But here it is again! Optimus is right here. He's ready to listen! Why is it so hard to talk about?]

After that...After we left you and Elita at the railyard, we had to try and stop Mandroid and save everyone else. We fought the sharkticons to try and give Twitch and Thrash a chance but Mandroid--he--his whole plan had been to--and then he--and it was so bright, I just--

[She can't get her thoughts to work right, to focus. She can't make her words come out the way she needs them to. She isn't sure if she's more distressed by the memories or her inability to articulate them.]

[optimus is up immediately when she starts to struggle, kneeling by her and curling his hand around her protectively. it's the best he can do with the size difference.]

It's alright, Hashtag, it's alright... [he says quietly, figuring that they managed to knock him and elita both out somehow. that bumblebee survived optimus attacking him. this is good, that's something.] I'm so sorry you had to keep this to yourself.

[he doesn't encourage her to try and keep describing it, as he knows she'll do so when she's ready. or maybe not even right now, because whatever it was... optimus stays where he is, with her, ignoring the vice-like grip of guilt around his spark. he's failed at his singular purpose so severely, to see hashtag and her family put through something this traumatic and painful. the one thing they deserved above all else was a free and happy life with the people they love, and they couldn't even have that.]

Let's take a moment. You needn't continue right now.

[He curls around her and it doesn't take long for her to embrace him, pressing herself against him and wrapping her arms around what she can reach of his broad body. It's comforting, to be enveloped like this, to have someone shield her instead of her being too big for it. It helps her settle down, collect herself, but doesn't make it all hurt less.]

No you need to know. You need to know what happened. Because Twitch doesn't know. I can't tell her. That--He--Back home, we're all...just...just gone. He did it. He really did it.

[he stays with her, because of course he does, and would pull away only if she wanted him to. elita has served this comfort to him many times when things were looking grim in the war, so he knows how important it is to have that grounding influence.

this, finally, seems to strike something in him enough for him to react. all the sounds of his systems hitch for a split second, before resuming as normal with a click. not that everything before wasn't deeply troubling, but...]

What-- what do you mean, gone? [it's out before he can stop himself and apply rational thought. he knows what mandroid's ultimate goal was.] I-- he did something, with a bright light?

[Hashtag nodded into his windshield, not caring about the light squeaky it causes.]

It was this machine. He found it under GHOST. Like the secret tunnels. It just--it let out this huge light from it. I saw it, but I couldn't--There wasn't any time! And then I was just--Gone.

We're all gone and we can't go home and Nightshade is gone and went back but there's nothing to go back to.

[it was under GHOST the entire time. their own base, and optimus was too naive and short-sighted to see that and croft's corruption happening in front of his face until it was too late. this feels like a stab in the spark, but he doesn't show it for hashtag's sake. he'll tell megatron later. she shouldn't have to worry about that.]

We're still here. [he says, grateful she can't see up far enough to see his dim optics, while he tries to process it all.] He hasn't won if we are still here.

[but what can he even say for the ones that aren't?]

But we can't change anything from here!

[Her voice breaks at the end.]

We can't save anyone or stop the machine or bring anyone back! [Not yet. Not yet. She hasn't figured out the key to hacking the space bridge yet.]

That's why I can't tell Twitch. She'll be so upset if she knows and can't go back to help. She'll never let it go. She'll never be happy again. I-I can't do that to her. She can't find out!

[Not until after Hashtag manages to get the space bridge to do what she wants. Because then it won't matter and everyone will be safe.]

[he's quiet for a moment. as much as he would like to assure her they'll work something out, it also feels like it would be cruelty to give her such false hope, even if she does need some hope. even optimus is struggling to see the bright side on this one, chief.]

It's something we can work on, [optimus settles on, surprised that he's able to feel even more disappointed with himself for the lacklustre answer.] many here have their own experiences with different dimensions, which gives us access to knowledge we could never have had back home.

[twitch, though... and any of the terrans that might come through the bridge in the future. what if nightshade returns, unaware of their future? what of ranger malto, alex and their children?]

...I will discuss this with Megatron. [they will have to tell twitch, this he knows. it wouldn't be right to keep from her, but hashtag isn't wrong about the harm it would do her. optimus wonders if maybe he should tell her. if his choices broke their family apart, then she should at least still know she can trust in megatron; optimus has already been the face of so much bad news for them.] Telling me does not mean things have to change before you're ready-- I will not say anything to Twitch.

[twitch should know, yes, but he can't discount the effect her knowing will have on hashtag.]

[She feels better, finally getting it all out, instead of having to keep it all to herself. Not as cathartic as it felt to cry on Soundwave that first time when it all really hit her, but somehow soothing like a release valve had been opened letting the pressure building up inside her out.]

Maybe...maybe you're right. I want to do something so bad. If we can fix it, we have to try. We can't just--We can't accept that's how things end, can we? It's not fair.

[he keeps hold of her anyway, because he really can't do anything else. this isn't a burden she should've ever had to bear-- has it been since she disappeared, all those months ago? it's the least he can do to stay with her as long as she wants him to.]

That's natural-- and you aren't wrong for feeling so strongly. We will do everything we can while we're here. But for now, I think it might help to rest a bit. [admitting this and coping with it all must have been unbelievably exhausting for her, and it concerns him greatly.]

[IC] Inbox for cyberformed

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